We have plenty of terrorist threats to worry about already. They could pack a bus full of explosives, or blow up a subway with a baby carriage, or release deadly chemicals from crop dusters. But the truth is, Americans just aren’t afraid enough, so we need your help to create some more terrorist threats.

Security expert Bruce Schneier calls them “movie plot threats,” because they sound like they were pulled out of some wacko Hollywood scriptwriter’s ass, rather than from the heads of actual terrorists. The U.S. government is creating national security policy based on these movie plot threats, but unfortunately, there’s a critical shortage of stupid ideas.

That’s where you come in.

Schneier, an independent security consultant who has worked for the Transportation Security Administration, is holding a terrorist threat contest. Simply create the most outlandish, craziest, most idiotic movie plot terrorist threat you can think of, and submit it to him by April 30. The winner of the contest will receive an autographed copy of his book, Beyond Fear.

So get creative. If you aren’t creative, then just pull something out of your ass. That’s what the Department of Homeland Security does, but unfortunately, their asses are currently empty, which is what led to the shortage of terrorist threats in the first place, and thus the call for help from ordinary Americans.

Even if you don’t win the contest, the terrorist threat you pull out of your ass could be used later by the Department of Homeland Security to scare Americans into giving up even more of their rights. And that’s something you can be proud of.