A lot of you will be getting on planes this evening or this weekend to go home and spend the holidays with friends and relatives.
Here are a few tips to make your journey through the airport a little less of a nightmare and a little more of a joyous occasion.
First, pack your bags carefully. Snow globes should be placed in your checked luggage. They aren’t allowed in carry-on, even if they weigh less than three ounces.
At the airport, don’t use self-service check-in and don’t print boarding passes at home. Go to the counter and tell the airline you don’t have your identification. Tell the same thing to the officers at the security checkpoint. You’ll be required to go through secondary screening, but since at most larger airports you also get to skip to the front of the security line, this will likely save you a lot of time.
You still have a right to travel in this country without identifying yourself to government bureaucrats, but only if people continue to exercise their rights will government respect them.
At the security checkpoint: Never put your baby through the X-ray machine. It will delay your flight as your baby will have to be checked out at the hospital before you can proceed through the checkpoint.
Always board the plane through the boarding gates, after your flight is announced, and never climb over the airport fence to board your plane. This will result in significant delays for you and your fellow passengers.
Finally, remember that TSA officers are not allowed to touch your monkey.
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Scott
Dec 22, 2006
It’s nice to see that the TSA was vigilant enough to see the baby AFTER it was already in the x-ray machine. However, if there’s one thing that I hated more than anything at the airport, it would be the TSA touching my monkey!
Nigel Watt
Dec 22, 2006
“The inspection process may require that the handler take off the monkey’s diaper as part of the visual inspection.”
I look forward to seeing a case where a monkey throws poop at a TSA employee.
Q
Dec 22, 2006
traveling without ID is easier than traveling with, who would have thought…
Scooter
Dec 22, 2006
If your local TSA chimpanzee tries to confiscate your liquids/gels/aerosols simply tell it that you require those items for a medical condition. They are not allowed to demand proof of said condition. Naturally most of us are too stupid to understand our own SOP so when they begin to argue with you just demand to see a supervisor. When that mouth-breather fails to resolve the situation demand to see a manager. Keep climbing the chain until you get what you want. Call the airport police yourself if at any time you feel threatened. And always, always, always request a private screening when pulled aside for any additional screening. If everyone did this the TSA would be forced to adjust its policies.
Nigel Watt
Dec 23, 2006
Alternately you can just stick it in your backpack or whatever and not tell them about it.
gfujimori
Dec 29, 2006
Could it be that Michael reads Mr Schneier’s blog?
JEFF
Jan 09, 2007
I don’t fly since 9/11. I don’t want to live in the DDR.
1989, DDR shut down. 9/11, it start back up again, here.
Flying don’t exist for me. The 20th century, gone. The Wright brothers gone, Lindbergh gone. I’m part Amish now. As more and more of America turns into DDR, I am glad I’m getting older. If America no longer exists, I don’t want to live in it. I pity the children. A Jean-Claude VanDamm movie, a Mad-Max movie, Soylent, Bladerunner, THX1138, Logan’s Run, you name it. You can have it. Welcome to America. Welcome to hell.