California Assemblywoman Sally Lieber plans to give California parents a lesson in parenting — whether they like it or not.
Next week, she will introduce a bill that will outlaw the spanking of children under four by their parents, a move that has sparked a flurry of both criticism and support in California and beyond.
Lieber believes that banning spanking in such a way is the logical continuation of laws that banned slavery and protected women from being beaten by their husbands.
Whatever your view on spanking, however, is such government intrusion into parenting really necessary? Is abuse — if you can even call it abuse — of children so prevalent in California that the government must intrude into parents’ lives in this positively scary fashion?
Under the new law, parents caught spanking a child could face up to one year in jail: apparently, the trauma exacted upon a child when they are deprived of a parent — or both parents — and possibly put into state care are nothing compared to the trauma they receive when being spanked.
There is no news on exactly how the government hopes to enforce the new law, either. Even Governor Schwarzenegger has expressed concerns at the practical aspects of the law, calling its enforcement “next to impossible”: nevertheless, he is receptive to the passage of such legislation, stating in an interview with the San Jose Mercury News that: “I think any time we try to pass laws that say you’ve got to protect the kids, it’s, in general, always good.”
Such initiatives are not new, or limited to California, however. Massachusetts attempted to implement legislation last year, for example; as did Wisconsin 15 years ago. Both attempts failed amid criticism that they would be unenforceable.
Hopefully, the California bill will fail too: it certainly looks that even in California, typically a bastion of statist liberalism, most consider this a step too far. However, it is certainly strange that the bill won even the support that it did — are people that insecure in their ability as their parents that they would have the state adopt that role instead?
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Q
Jan 25, 2007
anything to waste time and make themselves look busy while they eat up tax payer money and do nothing that actually helps people.
Slim
Jan 25, 2007
I am not for spanking children personally I think that it is a barbaric form of punishment. I do not think that there needs to be law that outlaws spanking. Parents need to take responsibility for their children’s actions, passing a law like this would appear to remove more responsibility from the parents.
Bill O'Billington
Jan 25, 2007
I am all for spanking children, even when they are being good. It builds character.
George O'Jungle
Jan 25, 2007
Me too, Bill. In fact, can I spank your kids later tonight? I killed mine spanking them too hard and now I have nobody to spank.
Verbos
Jan 25, 2007
I raised four children. Many people see spanking and beating as the same thing. I disagree. If a spanking causes more than minor skin irritation, it was a beating. A child should never be struck in anger and on no part but the buttock or upper thigh. It is not necessary for all children, but some are more willful. This is not to say that willful children are worse, just that they require a greater rein. It is my belief that people who intentionally cause injury require punishment, however education is the best policy for the ignorant but well intentioned. Destroying a family would be a last resort.
Former Marine
Jan 25, 2007
You gotta be kidding me! Why don’t we give them all cotton candy when they misbehave then we can visit them in prison when they grow up because they have not learned to be accountable for their actions. Perhaps Mrs. Assemblywoman you had your under four year old write an essay on why he or she should not have misbehaved. There is a huge difference in spanking and beating a child and sometimes a spankinig is necessary. Pull your head out lady! If I spank my kid harder enough to leave a bruise I expect to be arrested, but otherwise if she acts up I will spank her accordingly and one day she will thank me for it. If you want your children to grow up and run rampant in the neighborhood spray painting walls and blowing up mail boxes because they know mommy will not spank them then go ahead but leave me alone.
Brock
Jan 25, 2007
I’m practicing civil disobedience in protest of this proposed nannyism. I refuse to procreate.
J. Bruno
Jan 25, 2007
People consistently fail to recognize that children are individuals, none exactly like another. Anyone who opposes even minor forms of physical discipline either doesn’t have children, or has never had the experience of parenting a child that doesn’t respond to anything else.
Physical pain is the only inborn mechanism by which children learn cause and effect. When a child acts wrongly, the parent’s punishment is a lesson in order that the child may avoid such mistakes in adulthood–when the consequences in are far more dire than a spanking. A loud voice is enough to dissuade some kids, but not others. I would even say that best kind of character would ignore the admonitions of a parent at without the threat of physical repercussions.
I find this legislation perfectly consistent with California law-maker’s disdain for the connections between things and events we call causality. If only someone had smacked them when they were children, California wouldn’t be the mess it is now.
Dana
Jan 25, 2007
I’m sure California already has laws in place which allow for the prosecution of parents who truly abuse their children. Why add this ridiculousness to it?
Most laws seem to have a pretty consistent definition that if the spank leaves a mark that is visible two hours later, it constitutes abuse. That is something measurable and reasonable.
Q
Jan 26, 2007
if you don’t knock your kid on his/her ass once in a while for being an idiot or an asshole someone else is gonna do it and he/she won’t be prepared.– lots of people not just kids need a good smack once in a while. look at how many stupidity related injuries and deaths we’ve had lately, it’s because these freaks are afraid to knock these kids around a bit and let them know the world has rules, not just the laws of society, but laws of the universe and the laws of physics,
driving drunk is an example of attempting to violate all three of those categories i could go on and on, but i won’t i have better things to do.
Richard Braakman
Jan 26, 2007
All the rhetoric about how it’s for their own good aside, spanking is the initiation of force. Are Libertarians okay with that?
Rob Miller
Jan 26, 2007
Libertarians are typically pretty okay with minors not having the full rights that adults have, in my experience.
7734
Jan 26, 2007
I’d say the Honorable Assemblywoman was never spanked as a child. Unfortunate. Her parents obviously did not love her enough to provide the disciple required to STAY OUT OF A PARENTS RIGHT TO RAISE THEIR CHILDREN PROPERLY as they see fit.
A simple (read not abusive) spanking when warranted by the misbehavior of a child is the only way in which some children learn cause and effect. You do something bad….You get a spanking. You don’t do something bad….You don’t get a spanking. Bad = spanking = hurt pride = Don’t want to do that again. And please, no liberal response of “oh, we mustn’t hurt the childs pride or feelings. Know what? Ain’t gonna hurt nothin 10 minutes later. Cause they will have been into something else and the spanking will have been forgotten. I raised three kids, one very handicapped. All three received a first spanking when they first did something the should not have. Then they got another just to reinforce the first. Know what? None of them were traumatized by the event and two of the three (to include the handicapped child) have gone on to complete their college education. The exception being the boy who is now an expert deisel engine mechanic.
Guess the spankings really ruined them.
On the other hand, my brother never spanked his child. That child now is on welfare, smokes like a smokestack, is on drugs, and might make minimum wage when/if working.
So, whose form of discipline worked better?
Rob Miller
Jan 26, 2007
While I would absolutely positively never support legislation outlawing spanking, I would question the effectiveness of spanking children who are below the age when long-term memory typically forms (under fours, as this legislation targets): how are they to establish cause-and-effect, as you point out, without long-term memory? It probably doesn’t do them harm, sure, but to say it’s the “only way in which some children learn cause and effect” is a bit dodgy.
Q
Jan 26, 2007
i find it ironic and stupid that a state which has a death penalty, would be against a far lighter form of punishment.
a good ass kicking can teach you a lot about life and about yourself. there is a difference between giving a well deserved ass whoopin’ and abuse, it’s a very clear line easy to see, unless of course you are a retarded politician with your head up your ass, living in a reality where tax payers pay you 150,000 a year to work 100 days a year, and take vacations, then turn around and tell us how to discipline our children, I think this woman is the one who needs to be spanked.
Verbos
Jan 27, 2007
@ Rob Miller
You may not have memories of when you were two. I have. The slaps I got may not have always detered me but they did make me more cautious, observant and thoughtful. Guess how I learned the meaning of HOT at the age of two. Unfortunately, not a slap. Besides, If you don’t instill some order in your child before school age, who will? The education system???? at what age? Your window of opportunity is getting shorter ever day.
J. Bruno
Jan 27, 2007
Rob,
In a healthy individual the fact that actions have consequences are no less immediately apprehensible than how to move one’s body. You don’t think back and remember how to move your arms when you need to do it. The mechanisms of the mind that force one to consider the ramifications of an action–to automatically move from one thought to the next in a logical, causal sequence–are developed at the earliest age (between 1 and 5, from what I’ve read).
Kevin Fields
Jan 28, 2007
While I do not agree with this proposed legislation, I have heard Ms. Lieber discuss this on several shows and her reasoning is not bad or out of place.
Her first argument is that children under three do not have the reasoning and capability to understand why they are being punished. Older children can comprehend what they have done, why they are being spanked and why they should not do whatever it was that did to get them spanked. Younger children only develop fear of being spanked and fear of the pain from being spanked, they do not learn to restrain their activity that got them spanked.
Her second argument is that, under California law, no child in daycare, preschool or in any K-12 school is allowed to be spanked, for their protection from over-reactive adults. This is a further extension of that system to protect children from over-reactive adults as well.
Her third argument is that she wants to use the system as an opportunity to teach parents who do spank that there are positive and non-harmful alternatives to spanking. While much of the focus on this debate has been on the possibility of one year in jail, she has argued that in most cases the parents would instead be re-directed into state-funded counseling to teach them better parenting skills.
In all honesty, these are good and noble reasons to suggest the legislation. That doesn’t mean that the legislation itself is good, but in my opinion it does kill the argument that this is just another extremist liberal who wants to take our children away, force state regulation on parents and punish anybody that doesn’t agree with liberal ideology.
My question of course is why doesn’t current California law cover these things already? If parents are bordering on abusing young children through spanking, can they not be reported to the state? Can the state not already intervene and provide the parent with guidance and counseling? If actual abuse is occuring, can the state not already step in and prosecute for documented cases of abuse?
I do not think that there needs to be a new law established for this. I’m quite certain California already has the resources and laws in place to make this happen. I haven’t heard any cases of California’s social workers complaining that they don’t have the tools and resources to fight child abuse of young children disguised as spanking — and social workers DO complain to the media when they’re not getting what they’re needing to do their work.
Hopefully the rest of California’s lawmakers have the common sense to vote thiss bill down.
Q
Jan 28, 2007
my dear Kevin, it is practically a law of physics, that common sense and politicians; do not mix, blend or even acknowledge each others existence.
Otherwise you make a good point, you listen to the view and laid it out, but lets analyze it shall we.
Her first argument:
they don’t understand why they are being spanked. OK, easily resolved with SIMPLE DIRECT LANGUAGE, something we (in our pretentious society) are a little short on and politicians have no knowledge of whatsoever.
It goes something like this;
A (terrible) 2 year old, is wandering around the house, discovers the kitchen and all it’s wonders, where daddy or mommy is cooking up some lunch, and tries to grab the knife on the counter; a quick slap to the hand or wrist, and a resounding “NO!, BAD!” is all it takes. it make take more than once but they (will)get the message. Just like fire; light a match, let the child try to grab it, I promise you they will learn to avoid fire after that one time,(my son did) the pain sensation exists for a reason, spanking is creatively using it to help condition a young mind into safe self preserving behavior, because it’s not easy to see every single thing they do, in fact it’s damn near impossible and teaching them that actions have consequence and some can cause pain; will save lives.
argument 2 is redundant, because it’s a branch of the first and corporal punishment has been done away with for a long time, and no one except a parent or perhaps a sensei should be allowed to knock a child around a bit.
Argument 3 is a perfect example of my first response, which is that these people love to look busy and waste time doing nothing that actually helps anyone, a politician’s salary sure is attractive.
Qk
Jan 29, 2007
My dear Q, isn’t it better to cut the child with the knife instead of hitting it? Then he will truly understand that the knife is dangerous. Hitting him will just make him make sure daddy or mommy isn’t watching the next time.
Melissa King
Jan 29, 2007
Finally! I really hope this passes. My only complaint would be that it should protect ALL children, not just those under 4. The APA and all of the research has been showing for years that spanking causes more harm than good. It is used by those who simply don’t take the time to learn what really works. Children learn how to hit when they are hit by the parents who they trust to love and care for them. Seventeen countries prohibit all corporal punishment of children. Unfortunately the US is very backward in this area and rather than believe in the solid research showing hitting children is damaging, risky, and not a very good “discipline” technique, parents just keep doing what their parents did – even though it doesn’t work and actually damages the bond of trust between a parent and child. All this nonsense about “parental rights” and “privacy” is so petty. Would we use they use that same nonsense to justify the right of one spouse to hit another or an adult child to hit an elderly parent who wouldn’t cooperate? What’s more important, the health and safety of babies or the “right” of an adult to hit somebody?? People shouldn’t hit people, period. And, to all of you James Dobson followers in the Christian Right, you are NUTS!! Jesus didn’t teach his followers what is right by slapping them around and neither should you! Discipline means “to teach” NOT “to punish” and certainly not “to beat.”
Kristine Smith
Jan 29, 2007
Parents who hit and abuse their children should not be allowed to raise children. Parenting means to prepare a child for life, to nurture, to love, to guide, to teach.
For parents’ information: There are no benefits to hit a child – It is destructive for a child’s self worth, self esteem, and demeaning and disrespectful. Think of the Golden rule: Treat other people, yes children are people too, as you wish to be treated yourself, with respect, love and kindness. Children have feelings and emotions as adults. It is very unfair and disgraceful of parents to misuse their power on weaker people – our children – who are defenseless and who don’t have their own voice. Your child will be confused and think “Why does my mother and father whom I love and trust inflicting pain on me?” Hitting a child, will separate the bond between parents and a child, and will only make the child fearful of their parents. In addition, hitting a child won’t teach and guide a child towards better behavior in a constructive and communicative way. By slapping someone, what do you learn? Nothing – only that it is okay to be antisocial and misbehave and to be violent. Parents who hit their children are THE ONE’S misbehaving. They are no good role models. These parents need parenting classes and therapy as they are victims of abuse.
Children’s job is to test their boundaries, in a SAFE place, with patient, wise and knowledgeable parents. Where parents guide and teach their children respectfully and kindly as you want to be treated yourself. Children’s brains are not fully developed – They don’t even know that they are misbehaving at a very young age. So why punish a human being, who does not know, and who is so much smaller than you, when testing their boundaries and TESTING YOUR LOVE? Children need guidance and teaching and love. Love is not to punish. Love has nothing to do with hitting someone. Hitting a child is not loving a child. Discipline means teaching and guiding not punishing. “The Natural Child”, “The Discipline book”, “The happiest toddler on the block”, “The happiest baby on the block” among other parenting books is highly recommended. Even if you as a parent were hit as a child, or if other parents hit children, that does not mean that you have to behave in same unconventional way. We must always ask ourselves how we wish to be treated – If you would wanted to be spanked, threatened, and shadowed by your parents, 6 times the size as you when you were a child. No healthy human wants to inflict pain on someone smaller or to be spanked themselves.
Elaine Njerve-Zack
Jan 29, 2007
Children remember being spanked but not WHY they were spanked! The fear from being spanked is what the child remembers. Norway is one of the countries where spanking is illegal. The standard of living there is extremely high and the police there do NOT carry guns! To those of you who say that people who were not spanked turn out bad. Not the people I know! My husband is one of the people who wasn’t spanked and he turned out MORE THAN A-OK! Everyone that has met my husband says he is extremely nice in every way possible! The same goes for other’s I know who were not spanked. I was hit as a child both at home by my parents AND in school. By the age of eight, I kept having suicidal thoughts. I wanted to die! I never remember the REASON why I was hit – I only remember the fear it caused. Years later I swallowed a vile full of tranquilizers. The boys in school hit me and those were the one’s that were hit by their parents! I’ve noticed parents who spank their kids thinks that spanking them makes them so obedient! YES, IN FRONT OF THEIR OWN PARENTS but when it comes to someone else babysitting them, they are a terror! I have seen this for myself since I have done lots of babysitting for many years. The kids who were not spanked were a picnic to babysit. The kids who were spanked were a nightmare to be with! I have carried my research much further. I have interviewed more than 50 people from adult spanking web sites who have gotten spanking fetishes because they were spanked as children! A vast majority of these people are Lutheran, Baptist, Pentecostal and Catholic. One guy I interviewed told me many stories of his experiences with the paddle in Catholic school. He has seen many kids in school get the paddle and got the paddle himself. While still being a little kid himself at the time, he told me he would start spanking his female classmates almost everyday! Don’t you know that the buttocks is a sexual area? Parents do not understand how dangerous it is to spank a child! And then to hug the child and say “I love you” right after the spanking? This goes on routinely during adult S&M spanking sessions! There are so many other alternatives to spanking. I am all for the methods demonstrated on the TV show “Supernanny”. It is so ironic that my parents call me up and tell me to watch the show when Jo Frost on “Supernanny” explains why it is such a bad idea to spank your children! I recommend to ALL parents who spank to watch this show! No one said parenthood was going to be easy and parents shouldn’t spank their kids as it is a “quick fix” for the PARENT but causes numerous problems for the child later in life. Jesus would NEVER hit a child! Jesus done away with stoning. WHY? Because he is against ALL forms of violence! YES a child should be disciplined when necessary BUT discipline has NOTHING to do with hitting of any kind! Discipline is guidance and instruction! LEARN THE PROPER MEANING OF THE WORD!!!!
Kevin Fields
Jan 29, 2007
What is interesting to me is that if you listen to some of the discussion on the TV, there have been plenty of child psychologists who have come on and stated that there have been several studies done which state that spanking in moderation and at appropriate times generally results in children that are better behaved and more socially adjusted than children who are not spanked at all.
Obviously, the issue is not settled.
J. Bruno
Jan 29, 2007
What is it about these wonderful Nordic havens of which I’ve heard so much? Somehow they manage to feed, clothe, and house everyone, ESPECIALLY the criminals! It’s got to be by some secret viking methods they find individuals willing and eager to support everyone else. Wonders never cease!
Hey Zues
Jan 31, 2007
if Jesus was so against all forms of violence explain the book of revelations, or why did he tell Pilate, that if he commanded it, his servants would fight to save him, Why did he storm a temple with a whip, and kick over tables and use the whip against people who angered him. Also, while he and his pal’s were walking around one day one of his disciples, actually cut off the ear of the high priest servent right in from of him, if he didn’t want that to happen he would have prevented it, he could have caught the sword, or told him not to do it before the sword was drawn, he had full knowledge of every detail beforehand, instead he allowed it to happen, then healed the solder’s ear.
Please don’t go there unless you’ve actually read it, ALL of it.
he didn’t do away with stoning, he made them afraid to be stoned since they were all each guilty of something themselves, don’t take it out of context, what he did do away with was ritual sacrifices.
Feb 03, 2007
Skip a parent-teacher meeting, get a fine - Homeland Stupidity
F
Feb 06, 2007
Don’t these stupid mindless politicians have nothing better to do than sitting on their fat asses and think of idiotic laws. Politicians are all liars and lazy idiots, no matter which party.
sonia
Feb 13, 2007
I think it’s ashame when they say we can’t spank our children when they are acting bad but it’s ok that the police beat and kill them every day and get off. because they didn’t do what the say. why is it more important for our children to respect and listen to th law and not the parents who takes care of them.
Some stupid 19yr old after school care girl called child protective services on me because I was yelling at my son for not having his coat on when it was cold out side she added that I said I was going to beat the crap out of you when all of that part was a lie. So anybody can call and report lies on people. I told them so what I was yelling if he gets cold I’m off of work with him and I have to pay the medical bill who’s business is it. but As nuch as I love my children if someone tells me that I can’t yell at them or spank them they can pick them up and take care of them. and I’m not paying a dime of child support. They need to find bin lottin and stop fuckin with good parents.
sue
Feb 16, 2007
I think all you parents who feel hitting a child is the only way to make them learn are lazy parents. It is easlier to hit a child then punish him by grounding or taking something a way..oh now you will say that doesn’t work..could it be you are all too stupid to know how to make it work. I think all the parents should be spanked.
kat
Feb 20, 2007
look at this site, if u care about ur child’s future read these through please. any1 who reads these sites and believes in corporal punishment please don’t b hot headed. they make good points, and research does not lie! b sure to read Spanking Argument #3.
http://www.stophitting.com/index.php?page=factsnfiction
On a further note, I have 4 siblings and we have never been spanked. I have never done drugs or drank, and neither have my sisters and brother. Spanking is not necessary, there r other methods of discipline. Spanking is just a lazy way of getting things done. For those who do not look at the websites read this (fact : Corporal punishment is most strongly practiced in the southern and southwestern areas of the United States. These states actually have the highest rates of student violence, murder and incarceration in the country. Children in seventeen countries (2005) are growing up without being hit in homes, in daycare or in schools. Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Austria, Finland and other countries that have banned corporal punishment of children in general have low rates of interpersonal violence compared to the United States)
Look at other sources if u don’t think this site is accredited. They all say basically the same thing.
and Sonia, a good parent would not say things like “I’m not paying a dime of child support”…
kat
Feb 20, 2007
Here is another site, please read
http://web.archive.org/web/20080621040924/http://www.childadvocate.org/1a_arguments.htm
Gilbert
Mar 17, 2007
Spanking shouldn’t be against the law but abuse should be. I think you should only use your hands not a paddle or a whip. And only spank with their clothes on not naked. And only on the butt not the face or the privates. My stepmom used a whip on my bare penis and it hurt so much I thought I would die. That should be against the law.
George
Mar 27, 2007
were talking about sapnking children here nt how much money the Goverment will lose or gain.
Brittany
Apr 02, 2007
I feel that spanking is necessary in child discipline. Some children may never learn the consequences of their actions. Life is not all peaches and roses….There is a difference between child abuse and spanking. Spanking should be only done until about age 6. Then they need to be Whooped(hit with a belt on the butt, clothes on or off thats your choice) So they would learn that the things they do are wrong….. I dont know what she is thinking… she must don’t have kids!
Sam Leslie
Apr 06, 2007
Ok, you guys who keep holding up the Scandinavian countries as an example of all that is good in child care, think again. I went on an exchange trip to Sweden last year, visited three different schools. The behaviour was appalling, at one school for an hour; observed a child kicking a teacher consistantly, a group of about 10, 12 year olds fighting in the corridor and did I mention the chair that an 11 year old threw across the classroom? They get away with it because; big countries-lots of space, low population and loads of money, it’s not rocket science. Not sure about spanking but the Scandinavians definately do not have all the answers!
Sara
Apr 27, 2007
First, let me say that I cannot understand how you can compare spanking a child to spousal abuse. In spousal abuse cases one spouse is hitting the other spouse leaving marks and bruises, if you are leaving marks and bruises on a child then that is child abuse. Other than that it is simply disciplining your child. I believe that parents should not spank their children excessively, or for every little thing. If your child is doing something dangerous such as repeatedly running away from you or near a street, talking to strangers after you have repeatedly told them not too, they may need to be spanked. I would rather spank my child than have them get hit by a car or kidnapped. If they do something little that is not putting them in danger then maybe a parent should come up with another source of punishment other than spanking. I do believe that it is up to a parents’ discretion. If you choose to use spanking as a form of punishment then go right ahead. If you choose to use some other sort of punishment then go for it, but I do not think it is the governments right to go in and tell a parent how to raise their child.
Kristine Smith
Apr 28, 2007
Spanking a child is obscene, brutal, sick and dysfunctional.
Spanking is not parenting nor loving guidance – Spanking is child abuse. What kind of mother or father would hit a child? Only sick parents! Talk to your child instead. Do you know how to communicate? If your child is doing something dangerours your child will see your fear and concern by your action and in your eyes, while removing your child, that you don’t even need to hit a child.
Sincerely,
Wife of Pediatrician
Joshua David Brown
May 19, 2007
This bill is a new level of stupidity. Spanking, done properly, is a good form of discipline. It teaches the children they are responsible for their disobedience. I was spanked as a child and I turned out great. When I have children, I will spank them if they’re disobedient. It can only become abusive if the parent spanks while they are angry. Dr. Spock started the “no spanking” methods and it brought up an entire generation of spoiled brats. He denounced his methods on his deathbed saying he had ruined and corrupted an entire nation.
My mom used switches. My stepdad used a belt. In the cases at church where I’ve had to punish, a wooden spoon works very well.
These legislators will have to answer to God one day. They’ll have to answer for their stupidity. I encourage all parents to disobey this asinine law.
God bless you all.
Kristine Smith
May 19, 2007
Don’t dare to bring in God in cruel child dicipline. God is loving. God does not spank. There is NO WHERE in the Holy Bible where God commands to spank children. “Spare the rod, Spoil the child” – does not say spank your child. This is a Bible vers fundamentalists love to twist to give them permission to spank a child. Jesus loves children and never hit children. Jewish people don’t spank children from which Bible, Old Testament, the verse comes from. Rod in Hebrew is the kind you guide sheep with. If you spare this rod, then your sheep get misguided. So, what parents need to do is to guide their children. So, don’t come here and twist the Bible and God’s Word. For, God is loving, NOT a spanking God.
nellz
May 29, 2007
beat them kids
Buttwhacker
Aug 05, 2007
Why don’t these spankaholic parents admit to themselves and the world that it isn’t for discipline, it’s that they enjoy hitting kids?
Darby
Sep 21, 2007
Spanking is not a necessary discipline method. If you feel your child will be completely out of control without spanking, you are wrong. There are other ways to discipline. What I can’t understand is why people who spank are so violently opposed to trying any alternative. It’s almost as if suggesting an alternative to hitting is taken as a personal insult to their parenting skills. I was a headstart and kindergarten teacher. Over the years I have successfully disciplined hundreds of children and never had to spank any of them. Here’s how; I accepted the fact that it is my responsibility to control their environment when they are children. By controlling their environment, I easily control the behavior. To the parent who mentioned ‘imagine your 2 year old wandering through the house…’, your two year old should not be allowed to ‘wander through the house, the kitchen or any environment you haven’t controlled for him’. If you don’t allow him to wander through the house, he won’t get into things he shouldn’t. Again, it is your responsibility to control the environment until your child can control his own environment.
I’ve heard tons of situations of why a parent should spank and in each situation its easy to see a downfall in the parent’s action. Here are some examples:
My child got a hold of the matches = you didn’t properly store a dangerous object.
My child put a fork in an outlet while I was napping and almost killed himself=you can’t nap and leave your child unattended. A healthy child will explore. That’s natural.
My child wandered off at the mall= you became distracted and were not paying attention to your child.
I could go on but you get the idea. Stop punishing your children for being children. I don’t want to insult anyone but it comes off as if you don’t understand child development. I have seen parents smack their kids for getting rowdy in the mall. Well guess what, a 4 year old doesn’t have the attention span to walk 50 stores and watch you try on stuff you don’t need (in fact, neither do I). It’s not his fault that you can’t afford a babysitter. If you have to put him in inappropriate situations (and sure, we are all forced to sometimes) you are going to have to find a way to calmly deal with the inappropriate behavior that will result. If you take a kid to a birthday party and fill him up with McDonalds and cake, he’s going to be bouncing off the walls when he gets home. You control the environment.
For all of you who think my words are BS, if you have a normal healthy child (I say that because some children have actual behavior disorders and need medication or professional intervention) and he/she tends to misbehave, take them outside on a warm day and give them 2-3 hours of real exercise…a game of football, baseball, swimming or playing in the park. Walk him to the park, don’t get in the car, and walk with him back home afterwards. I can guarantee you won’t need to spank him that day. That child will come home sit down, relax and probably fall asleep right after dinner. Most kids do not get enough exercise or attention to use up their energy constructively because their parents don’t have time. I’m not blaming anyone, most of us have to work or have other obligations that keep us from spending as much time with our kids as we would like, but just realize that more often than not we are the ones creating the problem, and punishing the child for reacting to the situation as any kid would.
I had two spankings in my life and I remember them both very clearly. My mom didn’t physically hurt me with the spanking and I know she thought she was doing the right thing, but she was wrong. A part of me has always hated her for it, but I can forgive her because she didn’t know any better.
I wouldn’t expect my kids to forgive me, because I do know better.
If anyone wants to discuss it further drop me a line
Kenny
Nov 28, 2007
I am sure that there are other ways of disciplining children besides spanking, but a spanking is not a beating, and it’s not the right of the state to tell parents how to discipline their children. I find it absurd that a parent could go to jail for a year for smacking their child on the backside. It reminds me of the movie “The Killing Fields” where children were taught to tattle on their own parents if they did something the “state” didn’t like. These people who want to meddle in other peoples lives have already screwed up more than one generation of children with their permissive philosophy. I always felt loved and safe in my relationship with my parents and I never held it against them when I got my backside tanned (usually when I was disrespectful). I don’t understand these shrinking violets who complain that their parents spanked them a couple of times and it ruined their lives. Somehow, I think it was something else that was bothering them. Well, at any rate the government needs to stay out of our lives as much as possible since they manage to screw up almost anything they get involved with.
Zo
Nov 29, 2007
I cannot believe the exerpt I just read from Darby and many of the others. I’m floored! I cannot believe that Darby indicated that she hates her mom for spanking her. That’s very sad.
What ever happened to teaching kids that there are consequenses for their actions. I’ve got news for everyone out there – the world is not easy. It takes courage and street smarts to make it out there. Not everyone is polite and looking out for your best interest. You need to toughen up your kids and give them a chance to make it once they become adults and learn how to handle difficult situations. There is a difference between a spanking and a beating.
Listen, the bottom line is that no government entity has the right to tell a parent how to raise their kid. Period. Think about what is going in the world today with kids – kids are bringing more guns to school today than ever before, there are school shootings seemingly every week, and have you ever watch TV – kids talk back to their parents like never before. There is no respect for adults on the part of kids and that is because there is a lack of discipline. Kids are very smart – they will test their parents to see what they can/cannot get away with and see what their punishment for their actions are. If they know their punishment is a “timeout” or their gameboy being taken away, they will continue to do the same things over & over again because they have not developed a respect for their parents. Parents are too busy trying to be their kids friend instead of being their parent. A spanking shows your kid that what they did was wrong and it let’s them know that their parents care.
Kids need to be disciplined and there is a BIG difference between spanking your kid an abusing them. As you can tell I am for spanking your kid. I respect parents that choose not too as it is their choice on how they raise their kids, but for the government to tell me how to is intrusive to nonsense.
Phil
Feb 18, 2010
Any uneducated insensitive idiot can loose patients with a child and spank or beat without realizing the damages that occure physically to a child later in life or at the time of the selfish act of spanking a child. A transverse process are the bones that stick out of the vertibrae below the ribs and are so easy to break in children, among so many other problems that occur. A child can have a deformaty, diseases of the skelital system, muscles or nervous system that can be serious enough without more trauma causing more damage. It’s too difficult to know when one is hitting too hard and parents can’t know what a child feels. Anyone who resorts to physical violance on a child is a coward who hasn’t the brains to understand all the horrors and expenses in spanking or any other type of physical violance, considering the fact three are just too many other ways to punish a child without spanking. Children who are spanked become more apt to use phsical violence later in life. People who use physical violance on children often loose control at times and it’s just too easy to hurt children with permanent concequences. Hitting is hate, hugging and using alternative methods is love, which do you teach your children?
Alex a 12 yr old
May 02, 2010
I love this law! I’m crying ( rly I am) because of this law. My parents have abused me ever since I was a baby. I’m emotionally scarred from those horrid memories.. I’m only 12,too. Hopefully now I know that I can charge them with abuse both emotionally and physically. In 3rd grade is was whipped until I peed. Now I feel safer than usual in my own household. Thank you! PS- I’m still crying As I type..
Jane
Aug 07, 2010
Tax payer money also goes to schools, which want to teach and protect kids. You support that right? Protecting kids from abusive spanking with this law…what’s the difference?