If you’re an American reading this, then under expansive definitions being used by the Federal Bureau of Investigation and several states in their counterterrorism training, you just might be a domestic terrorist.
The FBI Joint Terrorism Task Force in Phoenix, Ariz., distributed a brochure (Images: 1, 2) to local law enforcement agencies a few years ago which defines terrorism as individuals or groups within the U.S. who engage in criminal activity to promote political or social changes. This is correct, as far as it goes, but the brochure then gives a listing of “suspicious” activities, telling law enforcement officers: “If you encounter any of the following, call the Joint Terrorism Task Force.”
Some of the things for which you should be reported as a suspected terrorist include the usual things, like weapons of mass destruction, and hate groups such as the Ku Klux Klan and Neo-Nazis, but also includes people who “Make numerous references to US Constitution,” “Claim driving is a right, not a privilege” and “Attempt to ‘police the police.'”
In addition, “People whose political motivation is usually Marxist/Leninist philosophy,” “‘defenders’ of the US Constitution against federal government and the UN,” computer hackers, and “Lone Individuals” should also be reported.
Do you fall under any of those categories? I certainly do; more than one, in fact. So I’m probably under suspicion somewhere as a domestic terrorist.
Last week, the state of Alabama Department of Homeland Security got scrutinized for an interactive terrorism awareness training section of its Web site, which said much the same things. The bureaucrats removed the entire training after it wound up on digg.com, a popular Web site where users can promote news to the site’s front page.
In Alabama, it seems, promoting gun rights can also get you branded a domestic terrorist.
Alabama’s site was based on a similar one from the state of Pennsylvania, which in addition to all of the above, says that promoting jury nullification, secession, or the belief that all governments must ultimately become corrupted by power also makes you a domestic terrorist worth watching.
But it gets worse.
But you see, I once read Unintended Consequences and was quite impressed with the book. Then one day I attended a FBI security briefing for technology security and was confronted with an image of the book — strongly implying those who own or read the book were terrorists.
But now I find I’m considered a terrorist by many other government agencies! Seriously, I wonder when I shall be arrested and “Detained.” . . .
The state of Virginia also says I’m a terrorist. (PDF) Why there? Because I’m a “property rights advocate.” Seriously, in Virginia, you’re a TERRORIST if you advocate for property rights. I think they’re going to need to build more jails to house us all. . . .
Incredibly, none of this is in jest. These various government agencies honestly believe *I* am a “domestic terrorist.” That is so sad. Indeed, this once-great country has nowhere to go but down. — Ogre’s Politics & Views
Ogre also put together a nice interactive quiz which you can use to determine if you are a domestic terrorist. I scored a 70, which apparently means there’s a cell with my name on it in Guantanamo Bay.
So in keeping with my mandate to make fun of government stupidity, I’m offering these web banners so you can identify yourself as a domestic terrorist on your own blog or Web site. Just copy and paste the code for the one you want.
<a href="http://www.homelandstupidity.us/"><img src="http://www.homelandstupidity.us/files/2007/05/domestic-terrorist-468x60.png" alt="Certified Domestic Terrorist" /></a>
234×60 Half Banner
<a href="http://www.homelandstupidity.us/"><img src="http://www.homelandstupidity.us/files/2007/05/domestic-terrorist-234x60.png" alt="Certified Domestic Terrorist" /></a>
<a href="http://www.homelandstupidity.us/"><img src="http://www.homelandstupidity.us/files/2007/05/domestic-terrorist-125x125.png" alt="Certified Domestic Terrorist" /></a>
<a href="http://www.homelandstupidity.us/"><img src="http://www.homelandstupidity.us/files/2007/05/domestic-terrorist-120x60.png" alt="Certified Domestic Terrorist" /></a>
It’s clear that in every meaningful way, the government considers ordinary Americans the enemy; their actions speak it unmistakably. Proudly display your status as a Certified Domestic Terrorist!